Existence is twaddle

Being a pretentious type, with possible hipster tendencies, I am currently wearing a T-shirt which features the face of a Mr Meseeks (from Rick and Morty, that SF-based animated programme which has become something of a hit on both sides of the Atlantic) with the line 'Existence is Pain' beneath the portrait.  This is a reference to the nature of the Mr Meseeks people who merely exist in order to service the needs of those who call upon them.  Once these needs are met then the Mr Meseeks blinks out of existence.  Extended periods of existing and not meeting their required 'use' causes the Meseeks pain.

This did set me thinking about existentialism and some of the key writers in that genre of philosophy and literature.  Especially the French-Algerian Albert Camus who resisted the term 'existentialist' but wrote several works of fiction and nonfiction which appear to best summarise the existential branch of philosophy.

Camus' most famous work (arguably) is The Outsider.  In this novella, the narrator expresses little emotion over the death of his mother and even shoots dead an Arab character with no real motive.  The work emphasises the moral vacuum the narrator inhabits and equates each action as having similar value.

But is existence so very painful and morally sparse?  The first pillar of Buddhism is that 'life/existence is suffering'.  This may be a mis-translation  but it is often seen as the bedrock of Buddhist belief: if we exist we will suffer/experience pain/reject our experience of existing.  The first step of the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 step programme is that 'we realised we were powerless over alcohol' - that, effectively, we were suffering and then the programme expands into another 11 steps which make recovery possible.

From a personal perspective, I can see that we often face discomfort and that for many of us life is a real trial of will and strength.  This is made worse or better by our consciousness, that cursed sense of self which guides us to write poetry or prose, or even to express ourselves in music and art.  Something memorable and powerful comes from these efforts but if consciousness did not exist at all, would it matter that these constructions would not happen?

Dealing with the twentieth century was made worse by the ethical and psychological emptiness presented by Nietzsche's late nineteenth century proclamation that 'God is dead'.  Without an omniscient and omnipotent God, and the afterlife so many hoped for, life could seem meaningless.  The apparent rise in spirituality as a counter balance to this malaise may offer something more for those who inhabit the twenty-first century but it will be interesting to see how this manifests itself as the century progresses and other causes, such as environmentalism and nationalism, take hold of the popular imagination.  Perhaps however wealthy or powerful one becomes then existence will always entail a certain amount of pain.  And perhaps that pain has a use: to remind us that others often suffer more than we do and that we should make every effort to ease that pain and find a new purpose in such endeavours.

A strange kind of year

It's been an odd start to the year.  On the one hand, the UK has left the EU under a wave of banner and flag hoisting people who have no notion of how much damage they will probably have done to the British economy, spouting that this is democracy in action despite supporting an electoral system whereby the interests of the majority of the electorate is ignored.  Oh, if only coffin dodgers weren't so nimble, with their artificial knees and hips fitted while under the care of the immigrant health workers they so despise.  Where's an 'angel of mercy' masquerading as a nurse when you need one?

On the other hand, I have started gluing and painting the Space Marines I have owned for years.  This is both cathartic and a step towards actually gaming again.  If anything can cure my ennui it will be cleansing the galaxy of xeno filth while measuring weapon ranges and AOE with tape measures and plastic templates.  It should be made available on the national health.

I've always veered towards the Dark Angels as my preferred army. Partly because the Dark Vengeance starter set has the DA as its loyalist army but also because they sound mysterious, with their Fallen and the rather weird, fractured planet they are based on.  It is SF bombast as both extreme and suitably odd - something which suits the WH40K universe brilliantly.

My other SF interests are Star Wars, Doctor Who and Star Trek, in that order.  Star Wars was a childhood love of mine.  Everything about A New Hope pushes my buttons.  The vast canvas of a galaxy at war, with advanced technology, a powerful magic which can help tip the balance (in the guise of the Force), plucky underdogs fighting a massive, unaccountable empire where authority is enforced by a twisted, cybernetically enhanced henchman (Darth Vader obviously) was always too much for me to resist.

But, God bless DVDs: Blake's 7 has been able to rejoin this pantheon.  The complexity of the characters, the clever scripting and the questions of good vs bad (or goodish and not so badish) make more sense now than it did when I was a child.  The effects may have aged but the characters and the storylines haven't.  God bless Blakes 7 and the Liberator, and all who flew in her.

Too little money and too little patience

I have a quandary.  I work long hours in a high(ish) pressured job (but aren't they all?) yet earn a relatively paltry amount of money (I know, first-world problems and all that).  I am also currently on leave from work so I have time to peruse Boardgamegeeks and Amazon as well as numerous retail websites which offer lovely deals on fantastic table top games.  This has left me wondering where to go next in my quest to further indulge my geekiness: do I go for Star Trek Attack Wing or build my paltry collection of X-Wing and Armada miniatures?  Do I dip my toe into a Kickstarter for an amazing looking game with lovely, well-cast miniatures?  Or do I save money and use it all for something more adult, such as a car or a home of my own?

As I grow older and slightly more disappointed with life I am often left with the familiar dilemma of many forty-somethings: who am I and where am I going?  Do I 'grow up' and dump those interests which have given me so much respite from the last few years' of turbulence, or do I continue to forge an identity based on a genuine and growing interest in the worlds of gaming, fantasy and SF?

These are such first-world problems that I feel ashamed to raise them, privately or publicly.  But with time on my hands I have the advantage of seeking out some truths, or at least some fresh perspectives on what I want to do with my remaining years on this planet and whether I choose to enjoy this time or look to pursue my previous interest in trying to develop an average salary career in an organisation which will chew me up and spit me out without a flicker of genuine concern.

Of course, this all comes down to what I do - prevarication and introspection may offer an occasionally fun diversion but the risk is disappearing up my own backside and never living the life I am actually trying to map out.  There's some irony there, possibly.  Certainly, I think it's all meant to mean something but I suspect it's just waffle from my pampered ego.  It's also been an excuse to actually write something, which is an activity I've ignored for far too long, especially considering my interest in writing more.

Lesson learned: procrastinate less and do more!  Maybe I should carve out a career as someone who creates vapid quotations for furniture and cushions.  Or is that my inner demon working its cynical magic, as it likes to?

The Monkey

And the monkey is reborn . . .

I began this blog some time ago with the intention of filling it full of my ill-considered opinons on gaming and its role in contemporary popculture.  Or some such arse water.  However, after considering my ambition to become a writer (a long standing ambition but one which is still very much unfulfilled) I have decided to use this space to wax lyrical, or screech illterately, on various topics.  Books, games, people, and maybe even some politics and sport will all be discussed, dissected and generally waffled about in the pages of this blog.  So, basically, a mishmash of crap which encourages me to actually write something in an effort to hone my skills.  If it remains unread, undiscussed and unappreciated then so be it: it'll keep me off the streets and give me something useful to do with my time, other than killing orks/bandits/space pirates etc or looking at my collection of edifying literature and tying myself up in knots about how my brain has atrophied as the result of a culture based on celebrity rather than talent.  Yes, that's it: my brain's rapid decay is the result of society and not the enormous amounts of booze and junk food I used to shovel into my maw.  If in doubt blame 'the man' and his attempts to pacify us through a soporific diet of Girls Aloud and Britain's Got Talent.

I must take a breather now as my temper wanes and the dark spots gather before my hypertensive vision.

Yours

Monkeyboy

Be careful what you wish for . . .

It's been a while since I spouted my ill thought out opinions on the internet but after many hours of gaming I have discovered some incontrovertible truths:

1. I prefer games with deep, involving storylines and environments, such as The Last of Us. Games are the modern alternative to films insofar as they offer the chance to be a part of a world similar to our own yet removed in some essential way. Fallout 3 offers us a post-apocalyptic Washington DC which has many of the landmarks of the real US capital but also offers us an alternative world inspired by 1930s to 1950s Americana. And, unlike films, you get to blow the head off zombies/robots/mutants etc.

2. Modern stealth games are really quite fun. Dishonored and Thief have both provided me with some excellent gaming experiences recently and the stealth element of TLoU was actually really rather well done (unlike the combat, which is never Naughty Dog's strongpoint).

3. The best way to win an RTS is to produce as many units as you can and basically steamroller the enemy. Strategy is very often auxiliary to this approach, unless one includes targetting enemy resources and securing your own power/materials/population or whatever the particular RTS demands you do so you can build lots of units with big guns and an apparent lack of concern for their own safety.

My ideal game, then, is one which allows me to play through an amazingly well written campaign involving the production of multiple stealth units which can be tasked with crippling the enemies' logistics with swift efficiency. However, I have also discovered a final incontrovertible truth - as a gamer I am honour bound to complain if ever such a game is created because it will fail to meet my expectations. And this is a huge problem for modern gaming: as with films, the hype surrounding new releases has become so great that nothing can match our expectations.

Thief is a good case in point. Before the game's release I cast an eye over the reviews and found a great deal to disappoint me. Only one video review seemed particularly positive and the game looked to be a damp squib which could only disappoint fans of the original trilogy. Now, I'm not a massive fan of the Thief series but I do enjoy them and consider them excellent examples of stealth gameplay in a well-drawn fantasy world. However, upon playing a good five or so hours of the lastest Thief title (on the PS3) I have to say that I'm really enjoying it. Its combat is uneven, its not as open world as it pretends to be and there have been some graphical glitches (but then it probably has been optimised for the new generation consoles) but it's a fun challenge with some really solid gameplay. Of course, although this impression may all be due to the indifferent or even negative press the game received before launch, my enjoyment of the game may be partly due to the metal case this 'limited edition' (in other words, this one of several-hundred-thousand copies) came in! But, no, seriously, try Thief. It's fun, has a deep, dark and involving world and offers the chance to feel like an amoral badass in a crumbling world.

WarZ: Ditching my Kudos

So Steam had a sale on WarZ, the much derided zombie MMO and, being a curious type of fellow with an eye for a bargain, I bought it. I haven't played it that much so far (about an hour and 20 minutes) but it hasn't been such a terrible experience. I've deliberately chosen quiet servers so as to give me a chance to learn the gameplay and also not get shot by random bandit types, which is often cited as one of the game's least attractive aspects. The graphics are pretty good, the mechanics aren't too bad but with some minor glitches and the zombies are fairly easy to deal with, although without body armour you do take serious damage quite quickly. I haven't fired a gun yet, although I do now have a shotgun, so it'll be interesting to see what happens when I attempt to splatter a zombie/another player's head all over the place. It'll be interesting to see how this game pans out so I'll keep this blog updated with my anti-zombie adventuring. At least until other players keep killing me and I permanently rage quit the game.

The Immersive World

The Immersive World

One of the things which truly impressed me about Metro 2033 was the world it was set in. There was a genuine sense of a post-apocalyptic society trying to survive while terrors, known and unknown, threatened their fragile existence. After about forty-five minutes of Metro: Last Light I can confirm that, for now at least, that living, breathing world continues to exist.

I think that an immersive world is important because it offers gamers the opportunity to take full advantage of what videogaming offers, compared to other forms of media, such as television or film. By its interactive nature, gaming draws (or at least should draw) players into a different world, a different role, a different sense of reality. This is where gaming should excel but often it falls short because too much time and energy is expended on producing games which look great but play and 'feel' like shit.

But then perhaps our so-called 'meh' approach to the world is also to blame. Should we sacrifice knowing cynicism for an opportunity to feel our experiences more passionately, even at the risk of being duped in the real world? Or is that pushing a link between gaming and the outside world a little too far?